Friday, August 11, 2006

FAA announces new "honesty" plan to intercept terrorist attacks

The Federal Aviation Administration announced Friday they have a new plan for thwarting airplane terror attacks. Deputy Secretary of the Dept. of Transportation Jeffrey Shane said it will throw the entire terror industry on its head. "We spent the last 8 years tackling this issue from a technologically and psycholigically sophisticated angle, but then Larry [Wethers] from accounting comes in last Wednesday and says KISS [Keep It Simple Stupid], and it all just clicked. We're just not asking the right questions."

The new plan, based off of the "honesty is the best policy" policy, calls for a large church-going family man to stand at the entrance to every airplane in the moments up to take-off. "As passengers make their way toward the plane, Jimmy, as we like to call him, would turn to them and ask, 'You got any bombs in that bag?'" said spokesperson for the FTA Carla Watkins. "Essentially, if they say they don't, then we let them through. If they try to squirm, we gotcha!"

Critics of this plan have been calling it idealistic and naive, saying that terrorists will lie and say they don't have bombs, when they actually do. And as European researchers plan steps to increase security in other means, stronger cockpits, better surveillance and facial recognition, bag tracking, and an Onboard Threat Detection System, it seems the Americans are moving backwards.

Watkins quickly refuted these critics and added, "That's not the only thing Jimmy would be allowed to ask. If the passengers say they don't have bombs, we've given him permission to follow up with 'Really?' and 'Are you sure?', as well as 'You don't want me goin' through them bags do you...?'" She added, in worst case scenarios, he would be allowed to ask, "Tell the truth, you ain't no terrorist... are ya?"


Post a Comment

<< Home